Slowing Down

How can we slow down in a society that values fast-paced busyness?

If like me, you grew up in a world where the focus was on achieving and being a "good" girl, hoping to receive love and praise from parents, self-imposed expectations and competition to be the best both academically and on the running track, why would I want to step off the hamster wheel? It's served me well, right?

Completing a doctorate in clinical psychology at 41, wasn't the end of striving, as I'd imagined it to be. After 12 years working in mental health and 7 years at university, surely I would be able to get on with the job at hand?

At this stage in my career as a newly qualified, I had to contend with something that plagued me on an almost daily basis. Feeling like I had all the knowledge around what to do but the how was so far removed, hardly in it’s infancy.

Why would people trust me to support them through their difficulties? Imposter syndrome had firmly rooted in my psyche.

So, onwards and upwards I went, striving towards counteracting my self-doubt and lack of confidence, by further developing my skills. Enrolling and finishing the next course and the next and the next one. I've lost count how many competency, experiential and knowledge deepening courses I've attended.

Yes, it is best practice to keep up to date with the latest evidence-based research and new developments. Yet, how much more knowledge and different therapy models, could I hold onto and use effectively in the therapy room?

Our inner critic has an absolute field day with this approach to life. Feeding it in this way only brings more anxiety, self-doubt and the chase for perfectionism. Why I hear you say? Because nothing we do is ever enough when we're driven by achieving to feel needed, helpful and validated.

We achieve whatever it is we set out to "do" by ticking it off the list, moving on to the next bigger and better opportunity, pushing ourselves to learn more, do more, help more, and see more.

It's an endless task moving through life in this way that doesn't allow us to stop and reflect on what we may have become - a get things done doing machine, in the pursuit of countering feelings of not being enough.

It's not surprising that this happens, given the society we live in seems to value busy busy multitasking and moving on to the next thing.

Fasal Hoque aptly writes about this in a recent article published in Psychology Today:

The world seems to be operating at warp speed. And, for many of us the challenge of keeping up can feel overwhelming. There's too much to be done, and it all needs to be done yesterday. The only way to keep up is to run faster - and even if you do, you still fall behind.

When is it possible then to slow down, allowing ourselves to embody the realisation that we are enough, breaking the imposter cycle? Maybe it's time not to run faster but to focus on slowing down.

Noticing our intentions to say yes to everything and trying to connect in with our stillness, softness and sensitivity.

Becoming aware of when our striving part takes the driving seat, sitting with what comes up, and being curious about what these emotions are speaking to us.

We can respond to our striving part with our leader part, by focusing on nurturing the 8 C's of self-leadership as identified by Richard Schwartz Ph.D, who developed the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy approach:

• Compassion - to be open heartedly present and appreciative of ourselves and others

• Courage - strength and sensitivity in the face of threat or challenge

• Clarity - our ability to maintain a beginners mind in which many possibilities exist

• Confidence - understand that mistakes are only lessons to be learned

• Connectedness - feeling part of a relationship with ourselves, others and nature, finding our tribe or community, and meaningful purpose

• Calmness - our ability to react to triggers in our environment in less automatic and extreme ways

• Curiosity - being genuinely interested in non-judgementally understanding something or someone

• Creativity - entering into the "flow state" where expression spotaneoulsy flows out of us and we are immersed in the pleasure of the activity

Let's bring pockets of self-care into each and every day e.g., taking a walk, practising 5 yoga poses, listening to a meditation, eating nutritous food, stopping for a moment to breathe 5 cycles of breath always lengthening the out-breath, connecting with people who lift us up, savouring the moment with a cup of tea or coffee.

By slowing down, we can focus on one task at time, to do it well, with attention to detail and being with it fully and completely. Research suggests that our brains are not wired for multi-tasking, switching between different tasks throughout the day. We make more mistakes due to the high cognitive demand, we may forget important details, productivity is reduced, and we can feel stressed and anxious as a result.

Let's be curious about what being busy busy busy is all about. Usually, it's a way of coping with our worries and ruminations, in an attempt to block them out.

Unfortunately, working ourselves to the bone, into a state of exhaustion, can have serious health implications including burnout and autoimmune disorders. In this case, therapy may be helpful to explore the underlying issues and unprocessed difficult life experiences.

I'd like to share this beautifully written reflection by Jennifer Louise recently posted on Substack:

Slow living isn't about being unproductive.

It's not about giving up or falling behind.

It's about moving through life with care.

Paying attention.

Making room for rest, joy and meaning.

It's about tuning out the noise so you can hear yourself again.

Less rushing. More living.

My final learnings and reflections are to continue:

• Slowing down and rediscover the wonder of life.

• Being more mindful and present throughout the day.

• Countering my inner critic by continuing to encourage the 8 C's of self-leadership to shine through.

• Listening to my body when it needs to rest.

• Noticing how my striving part gets in the way of feeling that "I am enough".

• Being in and with nature.

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Image: Bailey Zindel on Unsplash